I take it day by day right now, like so many people. I get myself to work, do what I am supposed to do and get through the day. I pick up my daughter from preschool at the end of each day and simply can’t kiss her enough. I am usually aching for her by the end of the day. That is my favorite moment of each day right now…receiving the running hug from her.
Today I have a challenge. I have been laying low in the evenings and on weekends as I simply do not want to be around other people and feel the pressure of making conversation and being “happy.” Tonight though is Shabbat (Jewish Sabbath) and my husband, daughter and I always are together for Shabbat dinner. There is a monthly program at our synagogue called PJ Shabbat (which occurs tonight) and we always go, together as a family. This morning my husband asked if I was going and I told him I would be. I cannot imagine being apart from them on Shabbat. I am now left with anxiety and I hope I can put on a brave face for my daughter’s sake. It is just over an hour of singing, stories and eating and while I know logically I can make it, I am still worried about presenting myself in a way that will not appear “depressed.” I know I don’t need to be happy but I know I can’t appear dazed (as I am) or disconnected.
So, I know I can do it and I will probably feel better for it. Shabbat is about family and I need to be with my family, my comfort now more than ever.
I would also never want to miss my daughter singing the songs and prayers…that is priceless. I have to push myself for her and my husband, for our family.