I have historically enjoyed this time of year. I love the fall and celebrating the Jewish New Year holds great meaning for me. When I think of what I want for myself in this new year, all I can think of is health. Health for my family and friends and for me. I am not sure I can describe what I have been through in the past year but words that come to mind are: hell, pain, misery. While I would like to just feel competent and happy-ish, I have to settle for simply “better.” My mental health is much better than it was a few months ago and I am thankful for that and for the people who helped me get to this point. I am still fighting and continue to work on the medications. I will continue to have “maintenance” ECT once a month into the winter. I will also continue my hard work in therapy which brings me places I never imagined (both good and bad, but mostly good). I may feel different, better, a little more at peace, but I will not have unrealistic expectations of making a grandiose and instant recovery. That will not happen. My recovery will continue on its upward trajectory with this new year or without it. Time is time and nothing can change that.
I do wish happiness and health for my family and my friends. I am so thankful for having them and they have supported me in more ways than I can list: a simple phone call, a text/email, a visit, driving me to ECT, etc. There is so much to be thankful for and many people to thank. You know who you are and my ongoing recovery would not be possible without you. It takes special people to drive you to ECT, for example, and continuously make you laugh and put you at ease. This week I am thinking of all of you and wish you all peace, health and happiness. Not only do I consider myself lucky to have you all in my life but I feel as if I won the lottery!
I will continue on my journey and am honored to have special people accompanying me along the way. My husband and daughter are my anchors and I am so thankful for them. They are what ground me when I feel overwhelmed and what calms me at the end of the day.
Shanah Tovah. A Happy and Sweet New Year.