This has been an incredibly difficult week. I have one more ECT to get through this week on Friday and I can’t wait until it is done. Today, just like on Monday, I got on the gurney and the tears took over. And again, the nurses were so warm and caring, providing words of encouragement. When asked what was wrong I simply said, “I do not want to be here.” I cannot say enough about these nurses and doctors at Yale. They are caring and I actually feel that they are on my side. One nurse, who knows me from last year, just said that this will help me feel better and it will be over before I know it. She was correct about the latter. I woke up and had to question in my head whether they had already performed the treatment. Today’s appointment was scheduled for 11:30am but they were running an hour behind. This only added to my anxiety. I was lucky to schedule Friday’s appointment for 9:45am. I could not endure another late appointment.
Everything is hard right now. I feel exhausted from the treatments and the medications. I miss my baby girl as Ken has to pick her up today as I cannot drive on treatment days. I’m holding on and praying I will begin to feel the benefits of the treatments soon. Right now I am simply thankful for my family and friends, those who check in on me. It makes all the difference.
And so it goes…
One reply on “And So It Goes”
Electroshock is temporary euphoria and permanent brain damage. The more you have, the more damaged you become. http://www.ectresources.org