Patience is not a Virtue…It is Impossible!

So, here we are a couple of weeks after our third failed FET and I am in a funk. I am angry, moody, sad and irritable. Sounds like fun, huh?? The hormone torture does not end when we stop taking the meds, the body needs weeks to recover and I am in that phase now. It simply sucks to be me right now.
I am still waiting for my blood test results from last week and may wait another couple of days. I am trying to focus on next month’s SHG, as that is something active I can do and feel a part of this crazy process. That’s the thing, when I am taking meds and doing tests, I feel empowered that I am an active participant in the process; when I am just waiting, well, that is the difficult part.
So, I will continue to wait, take some ativan when I need it and get through this phase of the process. I am exercising again and eating better than I have been and I know that will help, as well.
Maybe this last fight is over, but the battle continues and I am not done yet.


The Waiting Game

Well, I saw my fertility doc today and I am so thankful for him. I have seen him for the past 7 years and began with him due to uterine fibroids. He performed my first “big” surgery to remove the fibroids and I will never forget him holding my hand as they were putting me out.
I was calmed as I walked into his office today, as I usually am. We talked about this last FET (frozen embryo transfer) and my weird reaction to the progesterone injections (severe pains, difficulty walking, weird red splotches on my leg). He said we may never know why these last 3 FETs did not take. What we did today was some blood tests: thyroid (I am hypothyroid and on meds), blood sugar (past insulin resistance). We discussed the protocol for my next FET which will be estrogen and crinone. I will also have another sonohysterogram next month to make sure everything still looks good (I had one in October 2012 but my doc wants to be sure nothing has popped up since then).

This is a good plan…it’s the only plan. I don’t mind the tests as they give me something to focus on, something to do. It will help me get through until the next try. Even though I would love to know why this has not worked, I will have to settle for this. This is the hard part as I am someone who likes clear answers that are logical. I just have to “sit” with this for now.


Changed Plans

Sometimes our best made plans do not go as planned. I was supposed to see my fertility doc today to get answers but on my way I received a call from my daughter’s school that she had thrown up. My husband has a very busy day at work today so I turned around and went to get my daughter. Luckily I was able to reschedule my appointment for tomorrow.
I am thankful that she is okay, just an allergic reaction to a new food this morning. She has egg and milk allergies and now I am guilty of poor label reading. I looked at the package of the soy sausage and it clearly states “egg whites.” I feel horrible. You can’t see it in this picture, but she has hives all over her. Great job, mom! It is difficult to parent a child with allergies and you are always on your guard. Apparently, I was not on my guard yesterday when I bought this food item.

So, this is all not about me, my fertility woes…it is about this wondrous child I already have who counts on me and needs me.

I am truly lucky.