Author: Risa's Reality

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Hope

My husband, daughter and I moved to where we now live 2 years ago. This move was due to my husband’s job and I completely supported it. I love where we live: very friendly, family oriented. The one issue I have is that I have no support here. While I have made some friends, they are not like the friends I have where I lived in MA. I am left feeling alone at a time when I really shouldn’t. This is a hard time. When I see pictures on Facebook of my local friends out for an evening, I feel alone and sad I was not invited. I know, get over it, right?! But this is hard and I love being around people and hanging out and laughing. I just haven’t connected with enough people, I guess. My husband does not seem to have this issue: it’s a guy thing I guess. He is happy with his few friends and me and our daughter. As a woman, I want more relationships in my life. Am I selfish? I don’t know.
Sorry this is a bit gloomy, but this is where I am right now. Feeling a bit alone and cut off. I can’t go to MA every weekend to see my close friends and have been trying to create the next chapter of my life where we are now. It just seems to be taking a little longer than I had hoped.
I am hopeful that things will turn around and more connections will be made. I am always hopeful.

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Patience is not a Virtue…It is Impossible!

So, here we are a couple of weeks after our third failed FET and I am in a funk. I am angry, moody, sad and irritable. Sounds like fun, huh?? The hormone torture does not end when we stop taking the meds, the body needs weeks to recover and I am in that phase now. It simply sucks to be me right now.
I am still waiting for my blood test results from last week and may wait another couple of days. I am trying to focus on next month’s SHG, as that is something active I can do and feel a part of this crazy process. That’s the thing, when I am taking meds and doing tests, I feel empowered that I am an active participant in the process; when I am just waiting, well, that is the difficult part.
So, I will continue to wait, take some ativan when I need it and get through this phase of the process. I am exercising again and eating better than I have been and I know that will help, as well.
Maybe this last fight is over, but the battle continues and I am not done yet.

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The Waiting Game

Well, I saw my fertility doc today and I am so thankful for him. I have seen him for the past 7 years and began with him due to uterine fibroids. He performed my first “big” surgery to remove the fibroids and I will never forget him holding my hand as they were putting me out.
I was calmed as I walked into his office today, as I usually am. We talked about this last FET (frozen embryo transfer) and my weird reaction to the progesterone injections (severe pains, difficulty walking, weird red splotches on my leg). He said we may never know why these last 3 FETs did not take. What we did today was some blood tests: thyroid (I am hypothyroid and on meds), blood sugar (past insulin resistance). We discussed the protocol for my next FET which will be estrogen and crinone. I will also have another sonohysterogram next month to make sure everything still looks good (I had one in October 2012 but my doc wants to be sure nothing has popped up since then).

This is a good plan…it’s the only plan. I don’t mind the tests as they give me something to focus on, something to do. It will help me get through until the next try. Even though I would love to know why this has not worked, I will have to settle for this. This is the hard part as I am someone who likes clear answers that are logical. I just have to “sit” with this for now.