I am doing okay…it hits me at different parts of the day. My daughter helps a lot. She will be the reason I will get through this.
For now I will allow myself to grieve.
Categories
Mourning
Category: Uncategorized
Categories
The End of a Chapter
I made it to my parents house this morning in MA ready for this embryo transfer with all I have. A little while later I got a call…I thought it was the “the embryo thawed great and you are set for later today!” but it was not. It was “I’m so sorry but your embryo did not survive the thaw.”
Silence.
I was speechless…I did not know what to say or do.
The nurse said my team would call me later today to discuss options.
Then the tears came…I called my husband and his tears came. He said, “you are stuck with me and “I” (our daughter)!” I know how lucky I am but the pure sting is there.
I simply can’t go through more fertility treatments: financially, emotionally and physically. I am 39 years old and would be worried about medical problems for the baby. We would have to start over with IVF and both my husband and I know we need to move on with our lives for our sake and for our daughter’s.
I felt a bit lost for a few minutes but then I rallied. My best friend to the rescue! She will hang with me for a bit this afternoon and cheer me up before I drive back home to CT.
I am still in shock right now. I know with the coming weeks that getting off of all of the hormones will help my mind heal. I always wanted two kids…it was so important to have siblings. Now I need to create a new reality for my daughter. My job now is to give my daughter the best life possible.
Categories
Change in Plans
The transfer was supposed to happen on Tuesday but things don’t always happen as planned. This past Friday I had my last blood test and an ultrasound. The ultrasound was fabulous…the blood test, not so much. Apparently my estrogen was not high enough, so I had to increase it over the weekend and go back on Monday morning for a repeat blood test and ultrasound. While I held my breath all day waiting for my doc to call me I was wondering if this was a bad omen. I got the call with good news that everything is where it should be. So now I am readying myself emotionally for tomorrow’s transfer. I am making soup right now and watching bad TV (I took off from work today, tomorrow and even Monday).
I am feeling zen-like and am very hopeful. I am a type-A personality person so when things don’t go according to plan, it is difficult for me. I get over it though, luckily!
Onward…tomorrow will be a great day to get pregnant…I can feel it.
