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| I think this sums up so much of what I am feeling right now. I worry that many people think this way. |
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Hope
My husband, daughter and I moved to where we now live 2 years ago. This move was due to my husband’s job and I completely supported it. I love where we live: very friendly, family oriented. The one issue I have is that I have no support here. While I have made some friends, they are not like the friends I have where I lived in MA. I am left feeling alone at a time when I really shouldn’t. This is a hard time. When I see pictures on Facebook of my local friends out for an evening, I feel alone and sad I was not invited. I know, get over it, right?! But this is hard and I love being around people and hanging out and laughing. I just haven’t connected with enough people, I guess. My husband does not seem to have this issue: it’s a guy thing I guess. He is happy with his few friends and me and our daughter. As a woman, I want more relationships in my life. Am I selfish? I don’t know.
Sorry this is a bit gloomy, but this is where I am right now. Feeling a bit alone and cut off. I can’t go to MA every weekend to see my close friends and have been trying to create the next chapter of my life where we are now. It just seems to be taking a little longer than I had hoped.
I am hopeful that things will turn around and more connections will be made. I am always hopeful.
So, here we are a couple of weeks after our third failed FET and I am in a funk. I am angry, moody, sad and irritable. Sounds like fun, huh?? The hormone torture does not end when we stop taking the meds, the body needs weeks to recover and I am in that phase now. It simply sucks to be me right now.
I am still waiting for my blood test results from last week and may wait another couple of days. I am trying to focus on next month’s SHG, as that is something active I can do and feel a part of this crazy process. That’s the thing, when I am taking meds and doing tests, I feel empowered that I am an active participant in the process; when I am just waiting, well, that is the difficult part.
So, I will continue to wait, take some ativan when I need it and get through this phase of the process. I am exercising again and eating better than I have been and I know that will help, as well.
Maybe this last fight is over, but the battle continues and I am not done yet.
