One Year

One year. 365 days. It was one year ago today when I voluntarily checked in to a psychiatric hospital. I ended up being admitted again and for 12 days last July, I lived in the hospital. I slept, ate, walked, received treatment and cried too many tears to count. It was terrifying and at the same time, I felt a safety I hadn’t felt during my illness. When you hit bottom, there really is no way but up. It was not possible for me to bury myself any deeper than I already was and with that, there was that small glimmer of hope.
It has been a difficult year (understatement). Even as I started to feel better over the fall, there was still so much work in my treatment. There was still ECT and there was still the hours in therapy to help me piece myself not just back together, but into a better version of myself. There have been ups and downs and my journey continues. I have been lucky to be on this journey with my loves (husband and daughter) and the rest of my family, my treatment providers, as well as amazing friends, who have become my best cheerleaders.
So, I am happy to mark this day and check it off. I am ready to continue moving forward with life, including the early wake up by a sneaky 5 year old, spilled milk, too much laundry, dirty dishes, play dates, spontaneous dance parties, date nights, GNO (girls night out) and the countless everyday happenings. What blessings. I am grateful and thankful for my incredibly precious life. 

Nine Years

Nine years ago today at 2:00 PM, in a Starbucks in Dedham, MA, I met the love of my life. Three hours later, while still sitting in Starbucks, we planned our next date which was the following day to see the movie, Silent Hill. One thing we discovered during those three hours was a shared love of horror movies. And thus began our love story.

Nine years later and I am so thankful for this love, my best friend, my partner in life. What amazes me still is his strength and support. This past year has been hell for me but it has also been hell for him. His support has been unwavering and yet he witnessed his love and best friend endure a terrible illness. I imagine there were times when he felt helpless and alone. But he was and is always there: through countless medication trials, through hospitalizations, through ECT and when I come home from a tough therapy session and hide deep inside myself. He is there ready to share his strength and love to support me.

When life was going well enough, prior to my illness, I fear we may have taken this love for granted. This past year, however, has taught me what love really is, how it feels, how it tastes, how it sounds. I am able to live life with my love and best friend and this is a blessing that rightly revealed itself as a consequence of my illness. I knew I was blessed with him but experiencing something so horrid and personal created a real understanding of this blessing. I am brimming with love, still in awe of how it is possible but quietly thankful that I am lucky enough to experience it.

I am so happy to celebrate this anniversary. It is another milestone that deserves attention.

Happy 9th anniversary of our first meeting, my love, my best friend and partner in life.