Cranky, Tired and Hopeful

I am now at the point in this crazy process when I am very tired, cranky and yet I am hanging on to hope. Today started my highest dosing of estrogen which is just not a normal amount of a hormone for any human being (as many of you other infertiles can understand!). My transfer date is next Tuesday, the 15th and I am readying my body and soul for that day. But, I still need to get through the next 7 days which is made more difficult when everything and everyone is pissing you off! Luckily my patience with my 3 year old daughter has been good but my poor hubby certainly suffers. He knows from experience what the hormones do to me but sometimes I wish he could experience this for himself…how utterly horrible it feels. Not that I wish this on him, but it could bring more understanding. The bruises on my arms from my blood tests are nothing compared to what is going on inside of me. I do worry about the long-term effects of being on these high doses of estrogen all these times. I will need to ask my doctor about this…of course, I hope it is all worth it but if it means a bigger problem in the future, that is scary. I wonder if the doctors even know yet what the long-term effects are since the technology is rather new, especially for women who have been trying for years and years.

I will keep trying to keep my emotions in check and get through this week, even if it means eating more chocolate!