I’m a Bitch

I’m a bitch…at least, for now. My depression has made me very irritable and I snap quickly at the two people who mean the most to me, my husband and daughter. I hate it. I watch it as it happens and I simply can’t stand myself. This week is a slow week as I only have one ECT on Friday. That is good, but we are still trying to figure out the meds. I am feeling slight improvement, but I mean slight. I continue to feel tired, sad and lonely. When someone describes depression and mentions feeling lonely, it is a loneliness that is unimaginable. It is a feeling you would not wish on your worse enemy. It is just horrific.

The similarities to last year’s depression include feeling guilty, for putting my family through this again, emotionally and financially. It is such a horrible feeling and is not helped by my irritability. I have said this many times, but I will repeat myself…depression is a terrible illness. I’m full of many feelings right now: mostly negative but I hold a small piece of hope that the positive will outnumber those negative thoughts soon.  They have to.

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