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Being Human

Well I am feeling a bit better now that my hormone levels have gone back down from horrendously high to moderately normal. I am counting down the days until I see my fertility doctor on Thursday and hope we can figure out why this is not working. I wish this was not such a taboo topic and I could be more open about it to more people. I just feel cut off.
Lucky for me, my daughter told me I’m her “best friend” and that just makes everything better!
Hope everyone is having a great weekend! It is beyond tropical here in the northeast.

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No Fun Fertility

Here I am, 4 days after a negative pregnancy test after my third frozen embryo transfer. They have all been negative and I am devastated. Luckily, my husband and I were blessed through IVF in 2010 with our beautiful daughter. This is a difficult time for me. I just turned 39 (Whoa, very old!) and want to have another baby desperately. My daughter is aching for a sibling which is seen in her pretend play and when she wants to play on the swings. We have one frozen embryo left and will try again in September after I see my fertility doctor again and figure out why this is not working. My husband and I can’t seem to get pregnant on our own, although it is unexplained.
My life right now is putting on a happy face for my 3 year old (not that hard to do with her!) and then trying not to grimace when I walk by a pregnant woman at the grocery store. I also have to deal with women who are not too bright, some of them friends. They say things like, “my husband just looks at me and I become pregnant.” Well, goodie for you. In this age of information everywhere, if you say that to the five women around you, chances are, one of them has fertility issues! Let’s try to be a bit more sensitive, shall we?!
I will keep trucking along, as there is no other option. I love my husband and our daughter more than life itself. The issue is if I can’t give my daughter a sibling, will she be okay…will I be okay?